If I really let go, I would remove the word responsibility and everything associated with it from my vocabulary, and then the sh!t would hit the fan because I am bound to completely piss someone off because I didn't do something. The last 7 days, not inluding today) have been the free-ist days of my life. I don't remember childhood enough to know if those were truly the free-ist. Anyway, there has been minimal (almost no) spoken expectations of me except to be ok. I woke up each day at the mercy of will and his sidekick destiny. It was literally walking into the unknown or sometimes even sitting in it. I hung out, but there was no pressure (at least none towards me..hopefully everyone feels the same way minus maybe 1 particular day) to go or do anything in particular. Well, the reality of the sh!t hitting the fan statement above slammed smack dab in my face this morning.
This past Wednesday, I saw a friend at the gas station. We chatted about a few misc topics, and then she asked what I was doing on Sat. I said ...who knows...she said...we need some help... and next thing I know, I have committed myself to volunteer. BTW, that simple statement of yeah, I'n free turned into almost 8 hours of volunteer work. Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy helping others. I think it hit me bad this mornimg because I was up until 4, and had to be there at 7:30. At 6:55, I had an internal debate. It went a little like this... Why do I have to go? What happens if I don't go? Do they really need me? Why do I feel like I have to go? Why wouldn't I go? Regina, get your lazy bum up and fulfill your obligations. Later, at the registation table, I thought that conversation was utterly ridiculous. Is obligation an equivalent way of saying that I am only doing this because I have to? I don't know, but I realized that I don't want any obligations. I want to just be and do the things I enjoy. No check ups, timesheets, or calendar dates... I just want to be. Unfortunately, I'm almost possible that there will always be some type of responsibility/obligation associated with my life no matter what type of changes I make. The goal is to decide what kind of responsibilities/obligations I want and/or don't want and go from there.
Since I'm not letting go, I have a few more days to be completely free (or as close to that as possible), and I plan to enjoy every free minute.
Reel Moments
Free Willy
TBA
The Invitation
3 months ago
2 comments:
ehem... your posting time says 12:50 a.m. on Sunday, May 15th, however, I am posting this comment at 11:53 p.m. on Saturday just so you know I see your post as legit. Us ambitious chickens have to push each other ;)!
Hey, thanks for the back-up plan. I was able to clixk the automatic button under post settings to get the correct time. I wish it would just stay on automatic time stamping. I'll look around in the blogosphere to see how to correct it.
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