Premier Experience

At first glance, this place looks like an insurance company or some type of legit office building to me.

As I was searching for the gym today, I realized I was wrong. The office building is actually a big monster size gym, which is rightfully named Premier. I had already built up my pessimistic attitude about joining after looking at the membership fees online, but figured I could go once as a $7 guest and then be on my way to $14.99 a month no contract membership to Gold's.

Upon arrival, I played find Regina with the checkin trainer. You know when you are walking somewhere and someone is headed straight towards you and you both move to the same side 3 or 10 times at the same time until you both decide to be completely still at the same time... It was a little like that except a plant was our barrier. Anywho... I filled out some papers and off we went to the, insert word of your choice, world of yoga.

I own a yoga mat. Bought it for my Wii. Used it a few times. Forgot it when I decide to do real live yoga. So, i'm stuck with a used mat or the sweaty hardwood floor.
The instructor is ready to begin after everyone is situated with knee pads, butt pads, and yoga mats. We do typical poses like sun salutations and half Moon. Lunges and stretches and planks and more strechets and look behind you and dog walk it too the left and find your, insert word i couldn't understand that i think means center, and splits and downward facing dog and and and...

And then one last twist stretch 50 minutes later, which i do quite often at home to pop my back. It makes me feel like this.

Then she instructs us to lie back and close our eyes. The music that was faint before is now donging in my ear...in my body. I try to tune it out and just relax. Somehow those dongs become pieces of my life...time, memories, plans, nonplans... I try to block it out once stumore, but no luck. I have become one with the dongs, so I enbrace them and every thought that accompanies them. I hear something...maybe not...well...what...open your eyes, what is going on....what...oh, she wants us to get up... WTC. Ok, fine.

UMMMMMMMMM. This is how I feel.

I have also re-entered the noisy world with clanging weigts, shoes beating up the ground, and random murmurs of conversation. Please bring the dongs back.

And it is over. She bids us a good night. I feel cheated and I haven't even paid my $7.

5 laps on the track to reverse the thumping that feet is doing on the ground as my knees wobble tremble sporadically. A quick tour to the locker room to gawk at the sauna and steam room. I Tlthink those are the right names for the different rooms. It's hotter than, insert word of your choice again,in both. Then outside to watch the waves as 2 young white men provide us with a whole diffeeent experience.

Boy 1: Go FSU. I was wearing an FSU tshirt.
Me: WOO
Boy 2: Go Noles
Boy 1: Come get in.
Us: No, we are headed home.
Boy 1: I need a partner.
Me: You have one. I point to boy 2.
Boy 2: You got me... smiles at boy 1
Boy 1: I don't like swimming with gay people.
Her (puts arm around me): We're together.
Them: ?%#%& huh?
Boy 1: Well, what if we all swim together?
Me: Where are your parents? How old are you? Like 5?
Boy 1: 5... I'm 17.
Boy 2 (in a slower voice): I'm 17 too.
Me: 17 is like 5 to me.
The rest of the talking is done by them as we laugh histerically like schoolgirls secretly flattered and mortified at the same time and eventually leave the pool area.

Boy 1: I know how to treat my woman. My dad taught me to go for older women. The water is getting cold. I need you to get in to heat it up. Come on, get in.
Boy 2: Yeah, it's cold.

We exit the building after I pay my $7. I no longer feel cheated. I definitely had a Premier experience.

~Reel Moments~

Something New (2006)

Edmond McQueen (Earl Billings): The point is, love is an adventure, Kenya. It's not a decision you make for others. It's a decision you make from your heart. Anyway, the boy's just white, he ain't a martian.

Sommore: But I ain't never dated a white man before. Not that I'm not attracted to white men. Oh, cause there's some fine looking white men in here. But my only problem with the white man is that ya'll don't know how to break up with a woman. I watch the crime channel. You date him, you come up missin', don't cha? Everybody be looking for you. You be chopped up in the freezer in the sandwich bags, with a barbeque sign on your head.