My soul is about to be damaged again :(

Every year, like clockwork, my soul becomes more and more damaged. No matter how much I try to prepare for it, it happens. People say if you pace yourself, things will be fine. Maybe it works in some situations, but not this one. I committed myself six years ago in 2003, and have never looked back. I think sometimes that I should have re-evaluated why I let myself get attached when I knew what was ahead. I told myself that it wouldn't get to me, that you have to enjoy life while you can, that other people were doing it (I really didn't say that, but it seemed to fit). So anyway, as the years rolled on, I continue to have great moments and happiness and horrible moments of pain. Towards the end of 2006, I thought I was going to be able to get out of the situation. I told myself that it wasn't worth the heartache, and that I should get out while I can.

Well, it's 2009..... I never got out. Crap, addictions are hard to let go. I've never been addicted to drugs or alcohol, but I've had my share of other addictions.

HBO explains that addiction is a chronic relapsing brain disease. Brain imaging shows that addiction severely alters brain areas critical to decision-making, learning and memory, and behavior control, which may help to explain the compulsive and destructive behaviors of addiction.

I prefer to use the phrase never-ending passion instead of addiction. Sometimes, you just need something to make it to the next day. I'm sure you all have experienced that. If you haven't, maybe you should rethink your life. The problem with having that never-ending passion for something is that you may not know when it is time to let go. You continue to hold on until it is too late.

I am not at the point where I think it is too late. Although, I might just not be willing to say that I am to that point. Regardless, tonight is when the damaging begins. It usually last for a minimum of a couple weeks, but has last for 2+ months. Maybe, the time will be less since I'm getting it off my chest. I'm usually pretty optimistic about things, but not so sure about this.

If you see me looking down for a while, just remember that never-ending passion I talked about. I will get over it soon. If you would like to experience the pain with me, Turn to channel CW at 8pm to watch the Season Finale of America's Next Top Model.


Here are the finalist. Only one can be AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL.

Allison






















Aminat























Teyona
























I would post a play by play, but I haven't found my operating system yet.


Soul Food:
I apologize. This one is a little vulgar, but an important quote in the movie.

Max: Teri, listen to what they're saying. Your mama worked hard to keep that house in the family. For everyone, you and your family...

Teri: F*** the family! I let the family in my house. You know what? The family f***** my husband.