Why do people ask you questions like that?

Someone recently asked me why I was single in a group of people that are all in relationships. I thought people had figured out a while back that asking someone that is totally taboo or at least just uncomfortable. Of course, I can say things like I'm too busy or I'm not looking for anyone or I haven't found the right one or some other statement that would be completely true, but they all still seem like excuses to the person asking, so why even ask.

I understand that being in a relationship is important and great... I've been in some great ones... But I would never ask someone why they got married in front of a group of people... Or alone for that matter. That would be like me saying man, did you screw up. It's inappropriate and uncalled for.

When I give relationship advice to someone specific tread, I tread like I'm on thin ice. It's typically after they bring up the subject and even then I try to stay in whatever area of the relationship they've brought up. Going into the overall relationship has backfired on me once and I vowed to never do it again. Reality about a broken relationship hurts all the same if they're not ready to hear it no matter how true your words are.

Do what you want and be with someone if you want to, but falling into the pressure of the media, friends and/or family almost never ends positive. I felt the need to blog about this because I feel like there are a ton of people that do something because they think they have to to get something...love, acceptance, promotion, etc. This may be a bit of a jump from relationship talk, but I believe that kind of behavior is leading us down a path that will be difficult to return from.

How Often is Too Often?

When in a relationship, how often can you cancel on your partner for other people?

Scenario...

You make dinner plans with your mate for Friday at 7:30pm on Wednesday. Your mate calls your Friday at 6pm to tell you that they want to hang out with friends (of the same sex), so they need to take a raincheck and tell you that it's not too late to make plans with your friends.

You go hang out with your friends.

Saturday, your mate tells you that you they will make it up to you on Sunday. You say ok, great. Sunday comes and you get a text at 6:30 from your mate that says hanging out with those same people again. We'll get together Monday and it will totally be worth it.

Would your reaction depend on how long you've been together?
Do you factor in previous cancellations?
Do you factor in other issues?
Do you call them out on it?
What do you do?

So, most people know I have little to no tolerance for stupidty in relationships. Contrary to populat belief, it's simple. I know things come up, but this situation was not that way. The partner decided to do the activity with their friends instead doing it with their significant other...twice. They've also been together a long time. I'm not sure how often it happens, but the person I was talking to was UPset.

Along the same lines, If you live separately, how often do you get together and do things? People are so weird about how much time they spend with someone. I can't call too much because it will seem like I'm... (Insert craziness here) or I'm calling all the time because I...(insert craziness here). It should be I call you because I have something to say or I did this because I care or it reminds me of you. The response shouldn't be Why are you calling me so much or why don't you ever do anything with me?

Human relationships will probably forever intrigue me.

~Reel Moments~

It's Complicated (2009)

I know this movie includes an affair, but the concept of having plans and them being changed by someone else at the last minute or not at all is there.

Jane (Meryl Streep):

The last thing
in the whole world

I should be right now
is your mistress.

Sitting around
at nine at night,
wearing heels and perfume

and blowing all
the candles out

and wrapping
everything in Saran Wrap

because your wife
canceled her plans.

It was just,
it was...humiliating.

He said what to you?

The following statements call for immediate and permanent separation...and depending on who you are, maybe a little self defense.

I always knew you were a slut
You don't deserve the things I give to you
You better not look like your mom when you get olderI can have you when I want you
Don't you ever or If you ever...(it doesn't matter what comes after that)
My last girlfriend did it, so why can you?
I want to get closer to you, so we should think about have a menage a trois
You stupid B***h
I don't know why we're together
Yes, I cheated (past or present), but it didn't mean anything...just sex.
I don't like you hanging out with...
You've really let yourself go
I didn't actually hit you, so you should be happy you got lucky
Why are you calling me? It's not my problem.
I settled...
I'm not making money to take care of you.
How stupid can you be?
Who run this house? You or me?
You're not wifey material (It doesn't matter if you wanted to marry him or not)

I can add to this list for days. The point I'm trying to make is that these statements don't only sound bad if they are said to you, but it makes you just as bad as the satement for staying. It's not worth it to stay and hear things like this. Just leave. Things like this eat away at your self esteem and creates bitterness inside. It makes life so much less enjoyable... and for what... a good #%&% or someone to watch a movie with. I hope that's it because starting a family with someone like this will hopefully not come back to bite you.

I don't know if leaving will be the smartest thing you've ever done, but it will be the most self-supportive thing you've ever done.

I almost wrote responses to those statements, but it just made me angry. These are not just things I've heard on TV or in passing. These are real statements that have been said to people I know over the past couple of years. Today, I heard one that just completely floored me. It's not on the list, but it is not even in the same category as any of the statements above.

Take care of the people you love, and leave the ones you don't love.