To share or Not...

If I were to really let go, I would share food with others, and then the sh!t would hit the fan because i would immediately begin to gag and possibly even projectile vomit as someone shuffled around the bag for that special chip, double dipped in the mexican cheese dip because the chip was too big, bit my hamburger leaving a cheese-like strand of saliva hanging from the bun, or misplaced a miniscule piece of bread into my delightful sweet tea. The people that know me know that I have a slight problem with germs. I see it as a very healthy assessment of sanitary food etiquette. It is not a huge deal... I will get what I need first, order my own, or do something else. I very rarely share food and I am usually the distributer when i do. I'm not sure where it came from (my entire family will basically share anything), but it is a part of me.

In an effort to reevaluate different aspects of me, i decided to try to ease up on the germ sensitivity and ask friends if they wanted to taste my items. I was really freaked out when someone said yes, but tried to play it cool. There will never be any sharing of straws or eating utensils, but i did let one person drink out of the glass (I was using a straw). The next day, I shared chips and salsa. I am pretty sure that I am done reevaluating.

Just so we are clear, sharing with ANYONE is too much for me. I don't necessarily think that people are dirty, but it just does something to me. I have a very reactive and fairly weak stomach. The thought of backwash, leftover food, dirt from touching something, fecal matter from not washing hands, or some other type of unsanitary item possibly mixing into/around my food creates the biggest volcanic eruption in my stomach..... so I stay away from sharing for the most part.

I gave it a try, but the benefits of sharing do not outweigh the volcanic eruptions.

So, since I'm not letting go... we shall resume with the regularly scheduled program....Regina's fear of the unknown food monsters.

Reel Moments

Ratatouille

Remy: I don't constantly want to wash my paws. Did you ever think about how we walk on the same paws that we handle our food with? You ever think about what we put in our mouths?

Large and in Charge...or Not

If I were to really let go, I would go on the road to eat at all the places that have the portion sizes that are too big for 12 people to share, and then the sh!t would hit the fan because apparently my metabolism (yeah, I'm using that excuse) is also fighting against me.  Now, first off, I would like to say that I love to eat and I'm not ashamed to say it.  Being plus size has nothing (or at least not everything) to do with eating. That behind us, food is wonderful and sometimes I want to eat a lot of food just because.  Not because I'm depressed or going through something and start emotionally eating, but just because I want good food.  I mean think about a time when you have put something (that can be digested) in your mouth and it was the best thing smoking...  I mean you thought, doggonit, I could eat this all night long. Well that is the kind of food that I like to eat, and apparently that is what all those places with extra large portions have in common...  Savory,delectable, yummyness and I want some. 

Take the following.... Yum, Yum, and more Yum!!!

Yes, I know these pictures look greasy as crap and super calorie filled... SO WHAT.  My face would be extremely happy while every morsel of food was hitting my tongue and strolling down my throat to hopefully be digested below.  The crappy part (pun intended) is that not only would I probably get sick from the massive amounts of food, but I would probably say that I never wanted to eat those wonderful things again (at least right then), I would think about how many calories I took in, probably develop some type of intense workout plan that would ultimately fail because of the urgency I created (yoyo dieting), and go in an ultimate sulk for falling into temptation.  The unfortunate things is that sometimes we don't think about the after effects when we want the immediate gain, and we are willing to accept the consequences of our actions. Let me be clear though, I don't want to just go and eat something large and in charge.... I want to go eat multiple things that are large and in charge without having those ridiculous self-made consquences, and that ti why the sh!t would hit the fan.

So, since I'm not really going to let go... I'm going to go home drink a diet coke (which I love as well) and read a book, which hopefully talks about some delectable foods at some point.

For more large and in charge pictures, go here.

~Reel Moments~

Soul Food

Quote to come... library is closing on me.

A Life Deprived Of Greatness

I was visiting a website that Julia apparently visits frequently looking for recipes to make. I can across a post entitled For The Love of Peanut Butter and a smile instantly appeared on my face. Maybe even a flutter of the heart. The Brown Eyed Baker (I'm going to call her BEB in this post) has encountered some of the same issues that I have and I am ecstatic about it. I would never wish this on anyone, but I unfortunately get really excited when I know others that go through similar issues.

A little background info....

At 16, my ex stepmother was sure that I was sexing up the whole neighborhood, so I had to get birth control. Every type they gave me broke me out in gumball sized bumps. There are two sizes of gumballs (I'm sure there may be more) and it was more like the smaller size. It was absolutely miserable when they would pop up. 100 times worse than chicken pox. Birth control is suppose to protect you, not almost kill you. Well, I lived, so good for you lucky birth control companies.

At the wonderful age of 21 - My mom surprised me by booking us a room at The Golden Moon Casino. This was not my first time going to a casino (that was 18), but it was my first time spending the night a one. I had great plans for late night table hopping, lever pulling, bonus round playing, a couple of free drinks and maybe even a go at one of the two dance clubs. Everyone needs a dance party every once in a while. Anyway, that so did not happen. We went to eat dinner and I had a plate piled high with seafood - fried shrimp, shrimp alfredo, crablegs and the list goes on and on. Mom and I were laughing, talking and planning the rest of the evening and then I couldn't breathe. I have no recollection of anything until the bed. Apparently I turned all shades of purple, my eyes That's what mom said. We were down on a reservation with God knows what kind of hospitals and I was on the verge of dying or something. Anyway, I lived. I remember one time I went to eat Thanksgiving dinner at someones house and I started choking, itching and gasping for air. I took a benadryl and ended up being ok, but I didn't really know what happened. Apparently there was shrimp in the dressing. Who does that? It was pretty darn tasty though.

Somewhere between 22 and 23, I had a reaction to a banana. My throat got really scratchy and I wanted to stick my hand b ack there and go at it. It was also really dry and starting to close up. After that, it happened with apples, oranges, kiwi and one of my all time favs Mango. Who the crap is allergic to Mango? I still have pineapple though. Sometimes it sucks to not be able to eat fruit, especially when I got to meetings that have fruit pizza that everyone is devouring. I've never eaten eat, so I guess I can't miss it. Again, I lived.

There are quite a few other things that I have become allergic to along the years, but you get the point. I'm like a walking deathtrap, but I have coped over the years. It is always first 6 months that are the hardest right after finding out and then all is well again.

After reading BEB's post, I am motivated to go to an allergists. I have thought about it before, but decided against it since I had come to terms with not eating certain things. But man, it would make like so much easier and a little more enjoyable if I could eat some of my favorite things again.

The part that freaks me out is that she had to try the things she was allergic to after the tests and it wasn't a guarantee that she wasn't allergic anymore. I'm definitely not going to do it soon because of fear , but I may eventually try it. Maybe I can go and just get an assessment or something and they can tell me how the process works.

Regardless of what I end up doing, I am motivated. Thanks BEB.

Side Note: Mom just recently became allergic to nuts. She was relatively ok with it at first. She couldn't eat snickers (one of her fav candy bars), brownie with nuts and maybe a couple other things. It was a change, but not a gigantic deal. Nope, so wrong. More recently she read an ice cream container after having a similar reaction to me and fruit and the box said something along the lines of "made it a nut factory". Oh, life has now officially ended. She has not and will not come to terms with her life without ice cream... So she keeps her purse stocked with Benadryl and goes on about her day and nights with ice cream. I think there may be a few types that are safe for her, but I'm not sure. Mom, be careful.

Well, I guess that's enough allergy talk. I am headed to the store to buy ingredients to make cookies for a shindig tonight. I hope no one is allergic to them. You can bank on them not having shellfish, fruit or birth control in them, but maybe a little benadryl.

~Reel Moments~

Hitch

Hitch: Because thats what people do... they leap and hope to God they can fly! Because otherwise, we just drop like a rock... wondering the whole way down..."why in the hell did I jump?" But here I am Sarah, falling. And there's only one person that makes me feel like I can fly... That's you.